Personal Travel

Fragments of my summer

29. August 2014

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“I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” 
― Sarah Williams

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Yesterday I finished an English essay. We were supposed to write about our summer vacation which I somehow found to be an incredibly hard task since my summer vacation has been a jumble of experiences. So instead of writing about my vacation as a whole, I did what I do best and chose to write about the simplicity of one very special moment. Since I ended up with a very truthful and yet not private essay, I want to share my moment with you. 

“(…) One night m and I decided to take our duvets with us down to the pier to look at the stars. m had to go back to get something he had forgotten, meanwhile I was lying with the tip of my fingers slightly dipped in the cold water wondering about the darkness. Depending on your mood, darkness can either seem terrifying and cold or friendly and protective – and yet the darkness is always the same, it’s just us people who are changing. Once when I was younger, and no longer wanted to be afraid of the dark, I decided to think of it this way: The darkness can be overwhelmingly consuming and yet so revealing; it takes away your sight, but gives you an excuse to free your thoughts. It’s in the darkness secrets are shared and it’s in the darkness love is revealed. That is why I decided not to fear it anymore. I somehow figured that if you’re ever chased by a murderer trying to kill you, you would want it to be dark so it becomes easier for you to hide.

When m returned, he lay down beside me. We began discussing one of those big questions in life which we probably never will get the answer to anyway. Sometimes we just stopped talking and focused on looking at the sky, hoping a shooting star would cross our field of vision. The air smelled fresh and the sound of the lazy river calmed me.
We were both mesmerized by the mood of the surroundings and even though we were only a few meters from the camping site, I felt like we were drifting away on that pier. Like the piles holding on to the pier had vanished and it was now carried away by the stream of the river. Something inside me kind of hoped that while we were lying there, this actually happened – the two of us accidentally travelling away to new and exciting destinations not knowing what the new day will bring.

I like how, when other people go to bed, the world becomes a place of dreams and deep conversations for those who stays up to experience the pale face of the moon. It’s at night my thoughts fly wild and my ideas becomes vivid. I’ve spent many restless summer nights lying underneath the bright stars, like we did that night, letting my mind drift away, daydreaming about the bitter sweet future and longing for places I’ve not yet seen – still I somehow find this moment particularly memorable. I’m not sure if it was the fresh feeling of the clear night and the crisp air, or it was simply just because I for once was sharing this moment with someone; exchanging thoughts and talking about everything and nothing at all until the sun once again rose and a new day begun. What I know is that this was just one simple moment out of a long summer vacation, nothing huge but yet so amazingly special. (…)”

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I går afsluttede jeg en engelsk stil. Vi skulle skrive om vores sommerferie, hvilket jeg på en eller anden måde synes var en utrolig svær opgave. Siden min sommerferie har været et virvar af oplevelser. Så i stedet for at skrive omkring min ferie som en helhed, gjorde jeg hvad jeg gør bedst og valgte derfor, at skrive om enkeltheden ved ét meget særligt øjeblik. Siden jeg endte med et meget sandt men dog ikke privat essay, vil jeg dele det med dig.

“(…) En nat besluttede m og jeg os for, at tage vores dyner med os ned til molen, for at kigge på stjerner. m blev nødt til at gå tilbage for at hente noget han havde glemt, og imens lå jeg med tippen af mine fingre en smule dyppet i det kolde vand, og tænkte på mørket. Afhængigt af dit humør, kan mørket enten virke skræmmende og koldt, eller venligt og beskyttende – og alligevel er mørket altid det samme, det er bare os mennesker, som ændrer os. Engang, da jeg var yngre, og ikke længere ville være bange for mørket, besluttede jeg mig for, at tænke på det sådan her: Mørket kan blive overvældende altopslugende og alligevel så afslørende; det tager dit syn, men giver dig en undskyldning for at befrie dine tanker. Det er i mørket hemmeligheder er delt, og det er i mørket at kærlighed afsløres. Det er derfor jeg besluttede mig for, ikke at frygte det mere. Jeg kom på en eller anden måde frem til, at hvis du nogensinde bliver jagtet af en morder, som prøver at dræbe dig, så ville du være glad for, at det er mørkt, så du har lettere ved at gemme dig.   

Da m vendte tilbage, lagde han sig ned ved siden af mig. Vi begyndte at snakke om et af de der store spørgsmål, som vi sikkert alligevel aldrig kommer til at få svaret på. Nogle gange stoppede vi bare med at snakke og fokuserede på, at kigge på himlen, mens vi håbede at et stjerneskud ville krydse vores synsfelt. Luften duftede frisk, og lyden af den dovne flod beroligede mig. Vi var begge tryllebundet af omgivelsernes stemning, og selvom vi kun var få meter fra campingpladsen, havde jeg det som om, at vi drev væk på den mole. Som om at pælene, som holdt fast på molen forsvandt, og at den i selv samme øjeblik blev båret væk af flodens strøm. Noget inden i mig håbede på en måde, at mens vi lå der, så skete dette faktisk – de to af os som, ved et uheld, rejste væk til nye og spænende destinationer, uden at vide hvad den nye dag ville bringe. 

Jeg kan godt lide det, at når andre mennesker går i seng, så bliver verdenen et sted med drømme og dybe samtaler, for dem, som bliver op længe nok, til at opleve månens blege ansigt. Det er om natten mine tanker flyver vildt og mine idéer bliver levende. Jeg har brug mange søvnløse sommernætter på at ligge unde de lysende stjerner, ligesom vi gjorde den nat, og lade mine tanker drive væk, dagdrømme om den bitter-søde fremtid og længtes efter steder, jeg endnu ikke har set – alligevel finder jeg dette øjeblik specielt mindeværdigt. Jeg er i tvivl om, om det bare var den friske følelse af den klare nat og den sprøde luft, eller om det simpelthen var fordi, jeg for en gangs skyld, delte dette øjeblik med nogen; udvekslede tanker og talte om alt og intet overhovedet, indtil solen igen stod op og en ny dag begyndte. Hvad jeg ved er, at dette kun var ét simpelt øjeblik, ud af en lang sommerferie, intet stort, men alligevel så fantastisk specielt. (…)”

 

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1 Comment

  • Reply Rachel Y. Monday September 1st, 2014 at 11:33 AM

    Awe-inspiring. You leave me speechless everytime, with your mesmerizing words. You really shed some light on the topic of darkness – I’ve always been one to wholeheartedly fear it, but this is the first time someone as wise as you has given some wishful perspective. Do hope that throughout all those experiences of yours, summer has proved more beautiful than not 🙂

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